My whole life I dreamt of being responsible for a dog. Starting in 2018, I finally was. That year, both Nami and my partner became fixtures in my life. I loved unconditionally, and it was returned in full.
The next seven and a half years were the best of my life, despite everything that happened in the world. We stood together and supported each other as we weathered through the hardest, and often unexpected, trials together.
She meant the world to me.
Caution: This is an emotionally weighty (and vulnerable) piece, at least for me. I normally try to write hopeful and uplifting things for this website. This is neither. It is an expression of grief and sorrow meant to offer me closure, nothing more.
Daybreak
I first met Nami at a point in my life dominated by immense change and chaos. We first got to know each other while I was on a trip to meet my now partner for the first time, on the other end of the continent.
She bonded with me while I was remaking and rediscovering myself. She embraced every version and every part of me, fully, without hesitation or judgement. Every. Single. Day.
Almost immediately the best parts of my days were the long wanders together through back roads, side streets, parks, beaches, and trails.
My first trip there was short, my second longer. By the end of the year, I was staying for months at a time. After months of struggling to figure out the logistics, in December that year we all flew back to the island together.
In early December, on the first morning on the island we took her to set her paws in the Pacific. The water was frigid cold. It was hours before she was willing to leave the water. I'd never seen her happier, or more tired, than that morning. She barely moved the rest of the day.
Over the years we went to that beach time and time again. Some days the waves of the strait were calm and welcoming, other times we had to bail because they were bigger than I was. Even when we didn't visit beaches, we found reasons to go elsewhere. We yearned for new mountains and trails to explore and chased at that goal.
Oh what a beautiful feeling
To love and know love in return
Shifting Priorities
Those first years I was away often. My job demanded I travel, often once a month or more. Each trip it became harder and harder.
It was heart-wrenching to leave, sometimes for weeks on end. My partner would tell me how sad she seemed while I was away. Meanwhile I longed to feel her presence again. She started to learn what packing for a trip looked like and started protesting when I left the house. Yet each time when I returned, it was like the whole world was right again to her. Just like it was for me.
By 2020, time away felt like torture. Just a few days before the pandemic caused the borders to close, I arrived back from a trip to Beijing. I had already decided things needed to change.
Things did, in fact, change. I started my own consulting company and stopped travelling without her. From then on we were a constant in each other's lives.
Companionship
The following years almost seemed to blur by. We moved, explored new places, did different things, and made mistakes. Through it all, she was beside us.
She didn't always do what I wanted her to. Often she didn't. It was a mutual experience. But the disagreements were always minor. She'd want to go right while I wanted to go left. She'd want to visit the grocery store, bylaws stated otherwise. She'd want the walk to be 3 hours, I'd be late for meetings. We understood each other though, and became quite good at working with each other despite our occasional differences in opinions.
I cannot even remember the last time I had to reprimand her.
Through the sticks
Life hasn't been easy these last years. Between the pandemic, several health issues and surgeries (for both of us), job changes, and several moves, things had been rough.
We were constantly relearning to trust and rely on each other. We bonded over hardships and relished the joys of life when we finally managed to be alright again.
I'm not sure if I would have got through things without her.
Dusk
On the morning of June 13th, 2026, Nami passed away due to complications from cancer. There was nothing we could do. We stayed close and showered her with love until her very last breath, then said goodbye.
We'd known she was sick already, but... we thought we'd have more time together.
It was the worst day of my life. I've never hurt like this before. I didn't even know it was possible to hurt this much.
I miss her so much.
I can sleep forever these days
'Cause in my dreams I see you again
Lessons
There are so many things I regret about things we did or did not do. I made so many mistakes. So many stupid decisions. We were so lucky things turned out okay so many times.
Life with Nami taught me so many lessons from those regrets and mistakes. Things that one cannot learn from articles, pictures, or videos, but instead must be experienced.
Those lessons are what must be carried forward along with the memories.
And I shall. I shall carry them and use what she taught me to continue to improve myself and move forward.
Remembering her life
If you consider yourself a friend of ours, or Nami tangibly touched your life in some way, you're welcome to reach out to me with memories and stories.
I am slowly collecting memories, media, songs/poems that remind me of her, and stories of her life as my emotional capacity allows. If you have contributions please share them with me, I may choose to integrate it into the collection.
The collection is currently north of 12,000 pieces of media.
If you are a friend or long-time admirer of her and wish to reminisce while wandering through memory lane, please ask me directly for access. I do not plan to publish the link publicly.
Know that you did well and kept your head,
Saw the best in everyone you met
I'll try to put my feet right where you stepped
Per Aspera Ad Astra
Though this piece is dated June 13th, the bulk of it was written in late September and early October.
In late October, just days before what would have been Nami's 10th birthday, will welcome a new best friend into our lives. Not to replace Nami, but to find a new place in our family as someone entirely herself.
I cannot wait to see who she becomes, what she teaches us, and to celebrate this ephemeral life with her.